Kids who are picky eaters may not be as bad as kids who pick their noses but….
From a parent’s point of view, picky eaters can drive us nuts! Life is busy! We are just glad to put food on the table without having to take orders like a waiter or waitress. We are also concerned about our kids getting proper nutrition.
Bottom line: we want to enjoy our meal and do not want to argue with our children about food
For some kids being a picky eater is about not liking certain flavors, certain textures, and/or certain smells.
However, for other kids being a picky eater might be about food allergies. But then there are kids who are picky eaters because it’s about getting attention and being in control of the dinner hour.
So what can we do? Work on this exercise with your child.
Create a System
Start by listing the main parts of the meal, such as drink, main dish, vegetable, side dish, dessert, etc. Under each, create of a list what your child loves to eat and what your child does NOT want to eat in each of those categories.
NOTE: Each of the categories must have at least three choices that are acceptable to the child.
After your child tells you about likes and dislikes in each of the categories, make it very clear that you expect him to peacefully eat at least half the food on the plate listed under “likes” in each of these food groups.
Review the list of desserts/yummy side dishes and inform the child that those foods become available after he eats one-half of the agreed foods.
Rules for the System
- Let your child know in advance that you serve dessert to each person who quietly and calmly eats at least one-half of every food group on their plate.
- Should a child want to add something on his plate from today’s meal to his “I don’t like” food list, they can do so. However, if the “do not eat” list doesn’t include it before the meal, he still skips dessert for that meal.
- If you want some control over what your child lists in their “I’ll eat this” categories for each part of the meal, then give them perhaps five suggestions and tell him to pick three from that list.
- If you want to encourage your child to choose an additional food he/she previously rejected, let him know that, for example, he gets an extra spoonful of pudding with his dessert if he tries at least one piece of the broccoli.
- Let your child know that once dinner ends, there is no additional snacking of other foods in the kitchen.
The Expectations and the Outcomes
Several things come from adding this system into your meals.
First, you involved the child in the planning process, which gives them a sense of control over their life by empowering the child to be part of the solution.
Second, you have clearly stated the expectations and outcomes of their choices, creating consistency that creates the “script” for the system.
Third, you provided your children proper nutrition while simultaneously being mindful of what your picky eater prefers.
All of these things serve to maintain your authority while empowering the child, and can lead to more peaceful mealtimes for everyone.
When It Doesn’t Work…
If your child does not follow the agreement and therefore does not get dessert, then realize how hard it is to miss dessert. Remember to support your child when you talk about the tough lesson he just learned. Finish with, “But I bet that the next time we sit down to a meal you’ll be able to follow the rules we agreed and you will get your dessert.”
