Am I a good parent? That’s a “loaded” question! The best place to start is to decide if you already have a standard that you have set for yourself–whether you realize it or not. For instance: if you expect yourself to always be loving and accepting, then you have set yourself up for failure. Should you expect yourself to never make mistakes and always be calm, again, you have set yourself up for failure. If you decided you want your children to live in a perfect world, free from frustrations, hurt feelings and failures, you might have “set the bar unfairly high.”
If, on the other hand, you decided that being a “good parent” in the real world is preparing your children to succeed when life is not “’perfect” and people are not “perfect”, then read what I believe are the top 5 qualities of good parenting.
5 Qualities of Good Parenting:
1. Good parents recognize their own strengths and weaknesses. They notice how those effect their relationships with their children.
2. Good parents recognize those times and situations when they have less to “give”—less patience, less attention, less playfulness, or less focus on what their child needs. They let their child know they need to rest.
3. Good parents recognize when they are being “unfair” and let their child know and then apologize and try to “make it right.”
4. When appropriate, good parents briefly inform their child why they feel the way they do (I am tired at the end of my work day, and need some quiet space, I’m hungry and dinner isn’t ready, I have a headache etc.)
5. Good parents teach their kids that sometimes when they (the parents) are depleted, it isn’t about what the kids are doing and is much more about their own upsets and frustrations and feelings of being “worn out.”
What else can you do to become a “good” parent?
1. Communicate to your children that life in the family is about taking care of one another during the good times and the bad times. Sometimes giving your child examples of how they already take care of the family will help your children understand and relate.
2. Teach your children how to take care of one another when the “chips are down” by doing it themselves.
3. Use your own behavior to model honesty about how you are feeling and what you need. This will help your children learn about “honest” communication and helping one another when “the chips are down.” Remember to use language your child understands.
4. Do not unfairly get angry at and “target” your children and others. Remember your anger/frustration/fatigue has little or nothing to do with them. If this accidentally happens, (reference #3 of “5 Qualities”) APOLOGIZE! There is no shame in letting your children know you are not perfect, show them you can recognize your flaws and that’s perfectly ok. Be sure to communicate your plan to not let that happen again.
5. Teach your children how other people feel and behave is not their fault. While our behavior effects the people around us, it is always their choice on how they feel about it and respond to it.
So, if you are a parent who sees them self in the descriptions above, then I would have to say that you are a good parent. Bow and take in the applause!!! You are teaching your children that we do not live in a perfect world but that we can learn how to take care of ourselves and one another in the best way possible.
For more tips and advice on parenting, visit the Pillars for Success blog at www.pillarsforsuccess.com or follow us on Facebook!
