Lesson #1: What Is Magical Thinking?
Answer: Magical Thinking is a way of understanding and dealing with what is happening around us and to us. It is also a way of helping us deal with things beyond our control. It is taught in parent workshops because it is so powerful in the lives of children.
Here’s an example: I know about a 5-year-old boy who kept causing trouble at home and one day his mom looked at him sternly and said, “I’ve got my eye on you.”
The kid burst into tears!!!!
The mom was surprised and confused. Her kid’s behavior was upsetting her, but she didn’t want her warning to make him cry. She gently asked him why he was crying and here’s what he said as he wiped away the tears: “You’re going to take your eyeball out of your head and put it on me! That’s scary!”
The mom held back her laughter and gave him a gentle hug. She explained that her eyeballs can’t come out of her head. She told that ‘I’ve got my eye on you” is another way of saying that “I am going to be watching you closely.”
So what is magical thinking? It’s a way of understanding things that could not possibly happen in the real world. It doesn’t make “logical” sense and explains things “magically.” It can either help a child feel powerful or create a world that is a confusing and scary place!
Lesson #2: How Does Magical Thinking Shape the Lives of Our Children?
Answer: Sometimes it gives them exactly what they need to know in order to understand what is happening in their lives. Other times, it can have upsetting results (as described in the story above.)
Santa Claus is a perfect example of “magical thinking.” ! I hope that by now you know that there is not a real person named Santa Claus. There is no Santa guy who is looking for well-behaved kids so he can climb down their chimneys and leave them presents. Yet we have all learned the song says, “you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why…”
NOBODY has that kind of power! But in the minds of our kids, he’s real! Good behavior means Christmas presents from Santa. So if Santa is real, then the boogie man is real too, right? And if Santa is real, there really is a monster under the bed at night, right? And if Santa can fly then I can fly too, right? I can jump off my bed and fly! I am indestructible (just like Santa and even other magical heroes like Superman and Batman!!!)8
For a kid, this kind of thinking could even lead to….”I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and no one can stop me!!!! In fact, no one can make me do anything!!!!”
Lesson #3: How Can Understanding Magical Thinking Help Me as a Parent?
Answer: You can use “magical thinking” to help your child follow directions, feel safe, cooperate and feel like he/she has some control over their life.
Example: If your child is afraid to go to bed at night because the boogie man is under the bed you can help them. Just spray that “magical spray” under the bed that scares the monsters away. Some people call it “just plain water in a spray bottle” but your child will believe you when you tell him that THIS spray bottle has magic stuff inside of it that scares the monsters away! In fact, let your child do the spraying so he will have personal power over the boogie man.
Conclusion: As adults, we would like to think we are well beyond the stage of magical thinking but… Have you ever “wished on a star?” Bought a lottery ticket because this time you might win? “Crossed your fingers” for good luck?”
In the Pillars for Success parent workshops we make sure that adults understand the power of magical thinking in the lives of their families.
Magical Thinking Is a Part of Life!
You can see how magical thinking is a part of life and even helps us deal with life. As adults most of us know that magical thinking is just that: magical thinking. Most of us realize that what happens in our lives cannot really be controlled by magical thinking.
However, magical thinking is the way that children understand much of what happens in their lives. It is a powerful way that children feel in control of what is happening. It is also a powerful way that they deal with events that feel beyond their control. Understanding their “magical thinking” helps us to find ways to respond to their needs and their behavior more effectively. We believe that parent workshops should inform parents of this powerful pattern of thinking and are glad that you took the time to read this article.
To learn more about the Pillars for Success program be sure to visit our website at www.pillarsforsuccess.com, browse through our blog posts and download our FREE Pillars for Success ebook.
