Millennial Challenges: How Do I Become a “Good Enough” Parent?

When the topic of the millennial generation comes up, the conversation is full of criticisms. Even millennial parents see themselves accused of entitlement and self-indulgence. To avoid judgment, let’s attempt to gain a better perspective.

It’s important to understand that:

1. EVERY generation is a product of the previous generation and the experiences that defined how their parents raised them.
2. EVERY generation has been molded by the parents who raised them AND the economic and technological conditions that existed both before and during their growing years.
3. As a general rule, the our own parenting results from the two points mentioned above.
4. Examining the challenges faced by millennial parents occurs not to “judge” but rather to give insight that can lead to positive outcomes. Similar comparisons can and have been made about other generations.
5. There are always exceptions to the rule.

The Times Are Changing

Let’s attempt to avoid turning this article into a history review. Instead, let’s just briefly acknowledge that millennials find themselves profoundly impacted by the experiences of both the “baby boomers” (1946-1964) and Generation X or Gen X (1965-1980) that preceded them.

Baby boomers survived a World War. They often lost loved ones or loved ones returned home crippled and traumatized from the violence of that war. The role of women changed, often redefined as being the “breadwinners.” Women received training for jobs that historically went to men. The economy struggled to re-stabilize after the war, and television was a new invention that captured everyone’s attention. However, it was not sophisticated enough to dominate lives like the electronic world of today.

Then there is GenX (1965-1980), the generation that lived their childhoods in individual-income families and single-parent families. This was the generation who became “latchkey kids” and had to take care of themselves because parents were not at home. Gen X experienced an increase in the divorce rate and children had to deal with the trauma of divorce and life defined by dual custody and visitations (or no custody depending on the ruling of the courts).

Millennials Are the Beneficiaries of…

1. A world that maintained sufficient balance to avoid major wars on a global level during their growing up years.
2. A sense of “entitlement” that surpasses other generations with a national economy that includes national welfare programs, a more vigorous economy, and the beginning of the technological revolution that resulted in access to and proficiency in electronic devices regardless of socio-economic level.
3. The redefinition of being “social” no longer depending on the physical presence of others and often replaced by electronic communication and relationships.
4. The redefinition of the “family experience” as more and more families became single-parent families and stay-at-home parents became wage earners.
5. A legacy from their own parents focused on wanting their children to experience opportunities to have fun, enjoy life, be great, and conquer anything.

Parenting as a Millennial

So what does it mean to be a “good enough” parent in this day and age? Surprisingly, it means the same thing that it has for every generation:

1. Fulfill your role as the caregiver.

The “caregiver” is the person who nurtures. They teach youth that there are boundaries to what we can say and do. They are the person who sets fair and clear boundaries as children are growing up. Be the person who teaches “empathy” by treating your child with “empathy.” Additionally, encourage positive self-image and an assertiveness that teaches them that each of us is in control of how we behave and what we achieve in life.

2. Give your children the security of knowing that you “are there for them.”

This applies even though you may get home from work later than they get home from school. When you are home, be there for them! Give them your time and your positive energy. Find out what happened in their day. If you are tired after a long day at work then let them know that your need to relax is about your own need to “recharge your battery” after a long day at work—kind-of how they feel after a long day at school.

(CAUTION: remember that your time with them is limited during the “work week” so learn to “shift gears” after work and enjoy them, hear about their day, share dinner together (and maybe even get their help with dinner preparation and setting the table).Let them know that they are valued.)

3. Hurdles are “challenges.”

Teach your children to redefine hurdles as “challenges” rather than “opportunities for failure.”

4. Show your children the value of supporting one another.

This applies both emotionally and in the responsibilities of daily living and results in them becoming contributors and helpers not only at mealtime but also in the care of the family and the home.

5. Teach your children to establish boundaries.

Your children should learn to establish boundaries for themselves and their own behavior, boundaries in their relationships, and boundaries on how they spend their time. (This includes moderating their use of electronic devices and balancing this with time spent in direct human interaction, which may require creating schedules for both.)

6. Show your children that everyone has a right to “safety.”

Teach your children that “safety” is a right. This means both physical and emotional safety. Reassure them that you will do whatever is necessary to teach and guarantee “safety.”

We’re All Human

In many ways, millennials are not unique from other generations. In the same way that parents have always struggled, millennial parents struggle with parenting guilt and shame. They ask themselves the same question that echoes throughout the generations: “Am I a good parent?” “Am I a bad parent?” They have to learn how to deal with feeling guilty about parenting mistakes and overcoming parental guilt. They have to find a balance between meeting their children’s needs and meeting their own needs. Our recommendation to millennial parents is to keep your focus on the six items listed above that encompass being a “good enough” parent. These qualities apply to YOU just as they apply to all generations and every type of family and socio-economic condition that came before you.

Parenting Is Not for the “Lily-Livered”

You signed up to follow the path of learning, and discovery and working without benefit of a “time card” when you brought kids into your lives. Whether you are a millennial or a member of generations that came before or that will follow, “parenting” has it unique challenges that are different from all other challenges you have ever faced in life. “Parenting” is also a unique experience that will give you opportunities for joy, personal growth and celebration in a way that no other experience can achieve.

So, millennial parents, be aware of the unique challenges of your generation but also remember that the intensity of the challenges you face is the same intensity of the challenges faced by every generation of parents.