Regardless of age, addictive behavior, such as video game addiction, is a warning sign of potentially bigger challenges. These challenges can become more complicated and follow an individual throughout his lifetime if not addressed in their early stages. Identifying and responding to the initial signs of addiction is an important skill for every parent, which is true whether it is an addiction to smoking, drugs, alcohol, or to any repetitive behavior that is excessive and grows beyond an individual’s awareness and/or ability to self-control. Similar to the significance of adult addictions, identifying and supporting our children to reverse the patterns of potentially addictive behaviors they are demonstrating is a priority in our roles as parents.
Are video games really harmful?
Looking specifically at the issues involved with video game addiction and electronics, such as smart phones, it is first and foremost our responsibility to support our children in staying focused on both the “here and now” and the human relationships in his life.
There are certainly benefits to playing video games. They are challenging, interesting, and fun, and they can help to develop fine motor skills and brain function. However, there are also serious concerns that accompany excessive and undefined use of video games. Like everything else in our lives, maintaining a “balance” is important, and a large number of children/teens do not self-regulate “balance” well.
Human interaction is at risk.
When a child is involved in playing video games he is often so focused on the electronics that he becomes isolated from the world around him. The problem is not the video game. The problem is the prolonged focus on an electronic device that replaces human interaction. While a child with video game addiction is clearly stimulated and entertained by the game, there is also an increased potential that unlimited use of electronics can lead to the child forgoing valuable opportunities for social interaction, human connection, and a sense of “belonging,” all of which are important factors in developing relationship skills and connections to others throughout his entire life. If this pattern continues, there are serious concerns that the child will fall prey to increased risk of electronics addiction which could potentially replace human interactions.
There is no doubt that time spent developing and refining social skills is time well spent. These skills affect an individual’s growth and identity as both a human being and a social being—both keys to living a satisfying life.
Like other areas of a child’s life that benefit from boundaries, time spent playing video games also needs to have clear boundaries. Establishing clear and appropriate guidelines for video and electronic game usage should be well thought out to be effective. Here are some tips for establishing fair boundaries for video games and other electronic usage.
Tip #1: Set clear boundaries.
If your child has never owned a device and you decide to give him a device for a gift, then present it with an established set of rules for usage. For example, create a time schedule for usage and several different rewards he can choose from when he follows the schedule.This reward can be a treat, coin, or any other reward that will interest your child.
It is also important to let the child know in advance the outcomes for failing to follow the schedule. This could perhaps be 10 minutes less usage time in exchange for every time the usage rules are not followed. In the case of young children, it is usually the parents who have purchased the devices. Therefore, it naturally follows that use and storage of the devices follows the parents’ rules. Inform the child of outcomes in advance if he fails to follow the schedule and “sneaks” extra time. Also inform the child of rewards for following the schedule.
Tip #2: Prioritize the activities in your child’s life.
Work with your child to prioritize activities that focus on personal and family responsibilities along with emphasizing that completion of these responsibilities must occur before using his electronics. Tasks such as completing homework, completing personal hygiene, and completing house chores should be placed in front of electronics usage and video games.
Set a daily schedule that includes exact times when these chores are to be completed and review performance with your child on a daily basis. Let him earn additional time with his electronics for every chore completed. Perhaps even limit electronic usage to only these rewarded times. As an example, he might earn five minutes of additional electronics time for each task.
A powerful tool to help set up success for rewards and expected behavior is the Pillars for Success Point Sheets. Learn more about setting up a rewards system on our blog post about Point Sheets.
Tip #3: Store the device.
Absolutely define where the device will be stored between usage to avoid the child sneaking additional time. The location should be in a location you visit frequently, such as the kitchen counter, so you can ensure that it is being stored and not used beyond the schedule that was established.
Tip #4: Keep your child interested in other activities.
Encourage your child to participate in an extra-curricular activity, such as a sports team at school, after-school activities, a drawing/painting class, or some other activity he will enjoy either after school or on the weekends. Check with your child’s school to see if after-school activities are offered. You can also check with your local park district to see what recreational and sports activities are offered. Your local library may also offer activities for children. If your child is older, explore opportunities to volunteer at a setting similar to a park district where there are so many possibilities for social interaction and building self-esteem. You can even inform your child that participation in these activities will be rewarded with additional screen time, but be very conservative about the amount of extra screen time. Consider additional slots of time not to exceed 10 minutes per activity in which we participates.
Tip #5: Regulate spending and costs.
If the device requires payment of fees, as in the case of a phone, create a plan in which the child must earn $__________ toward the fees for electronic phone privileges depending on age and ability level.
Establish a list of separate chores and responsibilities that the child can complete daily along with the daily amount of money earned toward phone usage upon their completion. If the child completes the responsibilities satisfactorily then he can have _______ minutes phone time for the next day. If the child does not complete his responsibilities, then he loses phone time for the next day. As a reminder, refer to the Point Sheet blog post and instructions available on our website.
Follow a similar set of expectations as the tips mentioned above for video game use.
Like all of the “extras” we enjoy in our lives, our use of electronics—particularly video games—is not our birthright nor does our survival depend on its use. It is actually among the “extras” that we can earn by fulfilling our other responsibilities first.
Tip #6: Reality check!
How about YOUR use of electronics? Remember, YOU are the role model. You are the person responsible for being consistent. If YOU are limiting and defining your child’s use of electronics yet you are constantly on YOUR electronics, what kind of message are you giving your child?
As parents, what we DO is much more powerful than what we SAY. Be sure that you are ready and willing to control your own use of electronics so that your behavior is consistent with what you are asking/requiring of your child. You cannot ask your child to stop playing videogames if you are constantly on your phone checking social media, making posts, or texting. What message are you giving your child when you repeatedly check emails and posts instead of interacting with him?
If your child has been playing video games freely until now then this new approach will be a challenge to implement but well worth the energy and effort. Electronics have a place in our lives but should not control how we live our lives, spend our time, or fulfill our responsibilities.
Tip #7: Continue to establish that balance.
Good luck in your commitment to help your child establish/re-establish a balance in his life between electronic stimulation and human contact/fulfillment of responsibilities.
Good luck, too, in your efforts to recognize your own use/overuse of electronics that is communicating your own priorities. Your efforts will benefit your child in ways you may lose sight of during the stage in which you are establishing boundaries for your child AND yourself, but your goals are “right on” and the long-term benefits to your family are immeasurable.
NOTE: if the child’s arguing about the rules you have set becomes a power struggle of excessive, repetitive, and irritating demands then let him know that “starting tomorrow arguing will result in the electronic equipment being put away in a “safe place” known only to you for one day. Explain that you will try again the next day. Inform your child that repeated arguing will result in continued storage of equipment that will eventually increase over time.
Close the conversation in a positive way by emphasizing that following the rules and cooperating will actually result in more use of electronics than arguing and that you will BOTH work on following the rules with your own electronic equipment.
Tip #8: Follow the rules yourself.
Lastly, don’t forget your role in avoiding your own electronics and video game addiction. If you OR your child can identify times when YOU have “broken the rules of electronics usage” then give yourself the same outcomes as your child and let your child know everyone in the family is accountable for following the rules!
